Going out in a simulated spacesuit is kind of like going out clubbing -- you and a friend take a long time to dress up, only to have someone else undress you when you get back. Specifically, the simulated spacesuit dressing process has many stages analogous to a girl's pre-clubbing dress ritual (at least so I've been told, since it takes most guys about 30 seconds).

In both cases, the clothes are the main focus of operations: in place of the spiffy $200 top is a way-more expensive body suit that kind of looks like a big diaper with legs and arms. The next-most important unit of clothing of course is footwear, so F$%&-Me boots are replaced with hiking boots (though in a real spacesuit, these boots would be pressurized space boots).

And just like a girl's clubbing outfit, accessories are just as important as clothing. Firstly, just like the matching purse to carry things like perfume, you need a backpack to carry an equally important olfactory necessity: air. And of course the purse has to be congruent with any head- and neckwear, so the backpack has a big hoop at its top that goes around the neck to connect to the helmet. The helmet comes next with nozzles on either side connected to the air supply from the backpack. FInally, the gloves come last because it would have been a real pain to do all of that in bulky gloves.

Now that you've spent all that time getting dressed in your simulated spacesuit, you go out amidst the fake heavenly bodies -- just like...

However when you're done, the undressing process is where a stark contrast emerges: if you don't wear much clothing when you go out clubbing then afterwards other people want to take your clothes off; but when you go out space-walking, you've got so much clothing on that other people have to take your clothes off.

So as you can see, going to Rock-It Bar today and on Rockets far away are practically the same thing. As commercial space travel becomes a reality in the next year or two, going to space will become about as exciting as going clubbing (or whatever you like doing). No word yet though if a bar without sketchy guys will become a reality in as much time.

Jason Sherwin, PAO
MDRS Crew 47